aging · losing loved ones · sadness · stress


I’ve been so stressed since the day my brother-in-law passed away. I’ve actually been kinda sick. Like as in stomach distress you might experience before an important test or starting a new job, but like, all of the time.

Of course, my sister who lost her husband is probably feeling similar but times 800.

I find that instead of acknowledging my own stress/grief, I tend to tell myself that mine isn’t as important as the person who is most affected. But why do I do that? My feelings can coexist with other people’s feelings, you know? There’s enough room in the world for everyone’s feelings.

But I do this thing where I’m affected but I try to ignore it and then my digestive system blows up in a big upheaval causing other symptoms I can’t ignore.

Do many other people do this? Probably, huh.

What’s the answer. Am I supposed to go see a doctor and get on that whole assembly line of this and that? Is there medication that can trick my brain into relaxing and therefore give my stomach a break?

Or is there a way I can fix this by myself.

I hate going to doctor. The thought of having to go makes my stomach hurt.

Oh well.

So currently I’m stuck in a rut.

I want everyone to be at least somewhat happy. And if they aren’t happy, I want to help figure out how they can be happy again.

Including myself.

Remember when I talked about not wanting to turn 50? Not wanting to grow older?

These, right here, are a couple of the reasons why I feel that way.

I don’t want people I love to leave. And I don’t want people I love to lose the people they love.

It makes my stomach hurt.